The Last Will and Testament of Google

So i let Google (auto-)complete Dinosaur Comicshandy template.

The algorithm I used to determine what to type in the search bar is super complicated but totally legit. Here’s the rules I remember:

  • Try the largest context next to / around the blank = the full clause
  • Use only clauses, that is “stuff between punctuation”
  • Use only matches that fit the blank’s expected word type (e.g. verbs where a verb is expected)
  • Trim context words from the boundaries (alternating) until there’s matches
  • Trim words from matches to make them fit
  • Break rules until a match is found
  • Fun is welcome

En detail, where it’s worth it (context I used is emphasized, blank text strong, omitted parts of suggestions in (brackets)):

  • the last will and testament of rosalind leigh: a 2012 movie. Unfortunately, Google Instant/Autocomplete stopped working after a while, probably due to the loads of queries flooding from my IP, so I’ve lost the context to the first four blanks. I’ll try to recall it. And correct it as soon as they unban me. They just did after 20 minutes.)
  • i am of sound mind and body: niiice.
  • (shipping) possessions to australia: The alternative was “to kill a mockinbird”.
  • with the exception of meaning: What sounds like a profound indie album title is actually a popular yodaspoken question.
  • go to church because: Because why wouldn’t you. picked over “must go to restaurants in nyc” for (algorithmic) balance.
  • they might be giants: second suggestion was “they live”, which would have gone nicely with
  • over my dead body: picked over “all over my body”, forgot why.
  • an inspector must spend three (years here (for karate)): Of course I wondered what or who might be a “karate inspector” (and how I could become one) and where she or he must spend three years, but apparently this is some urban myth (or misconception) spurred by an obscure crossword clue.
  • spend three months in a (buddhist temple): Which is not a buddhist standard time frame, but the most common one for tourists, apparently.
  • in a haunted house: duh.
  • where is: short for Isabell, of course.
  • tie them over: something about snacks?
  • if they come for your guns: ah, them.
  • to have my haircut
  • i want my funeral to be a party
  • extremely loud and incredibly close
  • that’s so raven: first I learned that raven is an adjective, then that this is the title of “an American Supernatural teen sitcom television series starring somebody (I never watched the Cosby Show) named Raven-Symoné (the accent is silent, though). The more you know!
  • i suspect nargles: something something Harry Potter. I thought it was some bum dude named Nargles. I had to break the clauses-only rule here.
  • they be like: Oh T-Rex, speak properly! Other scary, unexplicably not blacklisted suggestions not further investigated.
  • into a book
  • blasted into oblivion: Booom!
  • and tell cosette i love her: Les Mis. Booom!
  • way to sms: meh, but the best i could find.
  • their satanic majesties request: less meta than the first suggestion “their there”. Actually Autocomplete stopped working right here, I wondered if it wasn’t that ”Daaamn” that got me temporarily banned. That T-Rex!